We just returned from a visit with my in-laws. For seven days, we all stayed in the same cottage. My in-laws are polite. They never say a harsh word. But they avoided speaking to me and gossiped about me and turned suddenly silent if I should walk into the room. My mother-in-law was the cruelest. In seven days, she said no more than twenty words to me. This began when our son took his own life eight years ago. Before that, I was close to my husband's family. They encouraged me and supported me. Now, when I speak, they remain stone-faced and unresponsive. The experience of being with them reignited my C-PTSD quite severely. I am working on rebuilding my sense of safety and easing my nervous system using the tools I have been practising. The scapegoating can be highly covert.
I'm a writer, so I am turning to that for comfort. This is how I described the feeling. (Please do not share with others).
"In the shadows, a living breathing human being can be made to disappear. There is a special type of agony for any human who suddenly finds themself being purposely ignored. A person does not have to be physically assaulted to receive life-threatening wounds. All that is needed is for someone you once held intimate to withdraw their love. The surprise attack may be easily executed under the veneer of politeness, without warning or explanation. The gut punch will land sharply in your unprotected regions underneath the ribs. It will threaten your internal organs. It will leave you breathless with pain and overcome by an urgent need to flee. Yet, even in company, such assaults may go uncounted. Harsh words are unnecessary when silence hurts more." (c) Debbie Bateman
I am so sorry Debbie. I’m sorry for the loss of your son, and I am sorry for the way your in-laws mistreat you and harm you. It makes sense that your nervous system would go on high alert. It is trying to keep you safe. I’m glad you have tools to self soothe.
And your description of the silent treatment is hauntingly beautiful. Thank you for sharing it here.
We just returned from a visit with my in-laws. For seven days, we all stayed in the same cottage. My in-laws are polite. They never say a harsh word. But they avoided speaking to me and gossiped about me and turned suddenly silent if I should walk into the room. My mother-in-law was the cruelest. In seven days, she said no more than twenty words to me. This began when our son took his own life eight years ago. Before that, I was close to my husband's family. They encouraged me and supported me. Now, when I speak, they remain stone-faced and unresponsive. The experience of being with them reignited my C-PTSD quite severely. I am working on rebuilding my sense of safety and easing my nervous system using the tools I have been practising. The scapegoating can be highly covert.
I'm a writer, so I am turning to that for comfort. This is how I described the feeling. (Please do not share with others).
"In the shadows, a living breathing human being can be made to disappear. There is a special type of agony for any human who suddenly finds themself being purposely ignored. A person does not have to be physically assaulted to receive life-threatening wounds. All that is needed is for someone you once held intimate to withdraw their love. The surprise attack may be easily executed under the veneer of politeness, without warning or explanation. The gut punch will land sharply in your unprotected regions underneath the ribs. It will threaten your internal organs. It will leave you breathless with pain and overcome by an urgent need to flee. Yet, even in company, such assaults may go uncounted. Harsh words are unnecessary when silence hurts more." (c) Debbie Bateman
I am so sorry Debbie. I’m sorry for the loss of your son, and I am sorry for the way your in-laws mistreat you and harm you. It makes sense that your nervous system would go on high alert. It is trying to keep you safe. I’m glad you have tools to self soothe.
And your description of the silent treatment is hauntingly beautiful. Thank you for sharing it here.